I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
