I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
