Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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