I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
