so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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