would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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