Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
