He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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