she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
