It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
