I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
