8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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