Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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