As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
