I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
