You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm always down for nudity.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
