I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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