Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
