just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Randomize
