yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
