God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
