yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
