Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
