You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
