you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
