I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
