I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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