so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
