no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
