What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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