pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
