So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
