6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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