I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
