he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
