we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
