take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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