thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
