The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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