At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
