my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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