Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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