I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
