Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
