her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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