ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
