i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
