you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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