In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
