just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
