Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
