i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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