'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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