Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
