I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
