Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
